


Crossing Days and Lightyears

by Winterling42



Category: Wolf 359 (Radio)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Extreme Danger Bug, Gen, Reverse Big-Bang 2018, Season/Series 01, i think, lovelace's logs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-20
Updated: 2018-05-20
Packaged: 2019-05-09 01:17:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14706377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Winterling42/pseuds/Winterling42
Summary: What if Eiffel found the secret lab instead of the storage room during the talent show? What if, instead of the mystery of box 953, he found Lovelace's logs and Hilbert's voice on them?Plus unauthorized plasma tools, the Room of Requirement, and zero-g tackling.





	Crossing Days and Lightyears

**Author's Note:**

> The artist and mastermind of this awesome AU was aspectnotarized. Check out their [blog!](https://aspectnotarized.tumblr.com/post/174125814765/this-was-my-piece-for-the-wolf-359-reverse-big)

“Dear listeners, you will not _believe_ the hiding spot I found. Minkowski won’t be able to find me in the Room of Requirement! I mean, if the Room of Requirement was a secret room that even Hera couldn’t see, and it’s… dark and full of terrors. On second thought, this is definitely _not_ the Room of Requirement. But, uh, I cut my way through with a plasma tool I definitely wasn’t supposed to have access to, and I put the sheet metal back up in the old doorway, so I’m safe from Minkowski’s ‘talent show.’”

“Wait, _shit_ , did you hear that? Listeners, when I said this place was dark and full of terrors, I wasn’t joking. There’s a bunch of…jars in here, and they’re full of— _eugh_ —spiders. And since this place isn’t connected to the rest of the station’s systems, the lights aren’t working. All I’ve got is this teeny flashlight. And, of course, the plasma tool.”

_Whoosh_.

“Oh, ok. There’s a computer in here too. Let’s see if that has any juice left…yes _._ ”

“Hmm, Elias Selberg. Entry six-fifty three says ‘Alpha test Series blah blah blah. Specimen growth and development, blah blah blah. Contact with live specimens extremely dangerous, as shown with recent _exposure trial_?! Listeners, this guy better not be talking about the spiders. He’s not talking about the spiders, is he?”

“Officer Eiffel? Are you there?”

“Hey, what’s up Doc? Found your spot for the world’s worst hide-and-seek game ever? What d’you want to bet Minkowski finds you first? No offense, but it’s a whole ‘don’t have to run faster than a bear’ thing.”

“What? No, I have decided against hiding. Upon further reflection, I remembered that I do, in fact, possess many talents, among them biochemistry. I am now putting the finishing touches on a rather powerful concoction.”

“I already don’t like where this is going.”

“I will submit this to Commander Minkowski as my entry for the talent show, claiming that it is a combination nerve tonic, energy drink, and breath freshener. That, however, will be a clever lie.”

“What’s it actually do? Turn her into a frog?”

“Nothing so elaborate, just powerful sedative and narcotic. It will knock her out for the next twelve hours, plenty of time for the talent show window to elapse and allow us to focus on our real work. Stand by, Eiffel.”

“Well, looks like I’m stuck here for a while longer. Might as well poke around, see what I can find. This calls for more equipment liberation, brought to you by Komrade Doug Eiffel.”

 

***

 

“I’m back, dear listeners, to report unmitigated success here in Dr. Franken-Selberg’s lab. I managed to connect the room’s power to the main grid, and I now have…enough light to really see how gross some of these spiders are. I really _hate_ spiders. Anyway, I’m still working on getting Hera’s eyes and ears in here, but I _did_ manage to hook up that old computer monitor. Let’s see if Dr. Selberg has anything more to say on his specimens.”

“Hephaestus Station. Captain Isabel Lovelace here.”

“Wait, what? Hold on listeners, there’s some sort of audio file embedded in here…”

“It is with an… extremely heavy heart that I report that our evasive maneuvers have failed. In spite of our best efforts to avoid it, the alien mother ship has spotted us and is closing in on an intercept vector.”

“Holy crap, _what_ _kind of lab is this?”_

“If we are really lucky we’ll avoid their death ray, but all hands should brace for immediate impact in the extremely likely event of a boarding party, remember what we learned from our battle with their advance scout. They’re vulnerable in the back of the false head and underneath their tentacles, but _be careful_ : whatever you do, don’t look into their third eye. Continue to work on the barricade, but don’t forget to swing by the armory for some liquid courage and really big guns, alright?”

“Oh. And could somebody be a doll and get rid of that half-autopsied alien body in the medical bay? That would be just—“

“Captain, I would insist that you _not_ use the resources for jokes such as these.”

“It’s OK Officer Lambert, just a little joke to pass the time.”

“There is _much_ to be concerned about, as per section B-17—“

“OK, OK, message received, thank you. Now go away. Go far away. Anyway... This is the log of Captain Isabel Lovelace, Commanding Officer of the U.S.S. Hephaestus. It is day 97 of our orbit around Wolf 359. We are not, I am happy to say, under attack by little green men. On an unrelated note, my personal mission to get Communications Officer Lambert to crack a smile is an ongoing project. Morale amongst all the non-buzzkill members of the crew is fairly high. Dr. Selberg reports that his biomass samples are developing ahead of schedule, and Dr.'s Hui and Fourier are happy with the results of their first radiation trial. Petty Officer Fisher is still trying to figure out how to get rid of that interference in the navigation system, but he seems optimistic. And Communications Officer Lambert is... Communications Officer Lambert. So an enormous stick in the mud.”

_Beep-beep, beepbeepbeep. Beep._

_“_ I heard that, Rhea. You are expressly forbidden from telling him I said that.”

_Beep beep._

“More on these stories as they develop. Captain Lovelace out.”

“…Uh, what…was that? Listeners, as far as I know _we’re_ the only ones that’ve ever been on the Hephaestus. I mean, yeah the station’s always been kinda big for the three of us, but. A whole other crew? A Captain? I guess…Hey Hera, you there?”

“I’m here, Officer Eiffel. Well, I’m _out here_ , technically. I still can’t see whatever room you’re in.”

“Yeah, we might have bigger problems on our plates. You don’t know anything about another Hephaestus mission, do you?”

“Pfft, no. The Hephaestus needs a Sensus unit to stay in stable orbit, and I’m the only one that’s ever been here. Are you sure it’s not just part of an older station? Maybe the logs are just left over.”

“She _definitely_ said Hephaestus. And Wolf 359. I don’t…Hold on, I’m going to look for more files.”

 

***

 

"This is the log of Captain Isabel Lovelace, on day—Did you hear that? Did—there it is again. Did you hear it?"

_scritch scritch scritch._

"Uhhhhhh, Hera? Minkowski?"

"...I've been hearing things for the past few weeks. Always late at night, when the others are asleep. Always when I'm alone. It's like there's something scurrying inside the walls. Like there's rats in the walls. Dr. Selberg says he's worried about me. I'm not getting enough sleep. Well, nobody is. We're all pulling double shifts practically every day. We can sleep once we get off this station."

"Does anybody even listen to these? We all keep making these logs, and sending them but... I've been asking for help for _months_ now. Somebody should have contacted us, somebody should have been here by now. You people haven't told me something. Something important. Something about this—There, in the walls. Listen."

…

“Eiffel.”

“Gah! Doc, I _really_ need you to fire a warning shot before you call in like that. I’m not sure what, exactly, is going on here, but just the possibility of it being spider related is enough to give me nightmares.”

“Eiffel, situational norms here are catastrophically far from stable! I—I’m not sure what went wrong, but my compound did not render the Commander unconscious. Instead it has triggered some sort of…impaired euphoric effect on the subject.”

“Captain’s log, day 872. Doctor Hui died today.”

“Hold on a second Doctor, there’s something over here that I need to—“

“Eiffel I do not think you understand, there is _singing_.”

“— _The very model of a modern major-general—“_

“This is an _emergency_. I require immediate assistance.”

“…I miss Lambert. I never thought I'd say that. Out of everyone we've lost but... Yeah.”

“Shit, that’s the end of that one. Doctor, I’m going to have to call you back, alright?”

“Swashes. And. Buckles.”

“Yes, Commander. Eiffel, _hurry.”_

“Ok, ok. This is the last log. Listeners, I…I don’t know who Captain Lovelace is, or was, or whatever, but I don’t think this is some kind of empty man ‘joke.’ If Command had known this lab was up here, Hera would have known, right? I don’t…whatever, let’s just see what happens next.”

“Captain's Log. U.S.S. Hephaestus Station. Final entry.

“Run and hide. That's all I have to say to you. Run. And. Hide.

“Because I'm coming for all you bastards. You probably thought you'd never see me again. You thought if you just left us up here you could forget all about us. Out of sight, out of mind, huh? Jokes on you. You bastards killed most of my crew, but I'm still alive, and Dr. Selberg is still alive, and we have a way to get off this tin can. It's taken months, but we found a way. It's not gonna be pretty. It's not gonna be fast. But we'll make it back to Earth, and the first thing we're going to do as soon as we get home is find everyone involved in this sadistic little field-trip and make you pay.

“So if you're listening to this: Run. And. Hide. Because by the time that I'm done you will feel more helpless and more alone than all the innocent people you've ever hurt.

“See you soon.”

“Ha HA! Hahahaha, oh man. Watch your backs, Command, Captain Lovelace is out for _blood_ . I mean, I guess she’s lying low back on Earth, seeing as _we’re_ up here now, but still. You’d better believe—“

“This is a message for any and—It’s open.“

“Captain Lovelace. Is bad time?”

“Wait…that voice…”

“Doctor Selberg. No, come in, I was just doing some recordings.”

“That’s not. It can’t be?”

“Everything is prepared downstairs. We can get started as soon as you are ready.”

“Thank you Doctor Selberg. I wanted to make sure I said that. I would never have made it this far if you hadn’t been here.”

“Lis…listeners, doesn’t that sound like. Hilbert?”

“Just doing my job, Captain. Always happy to be of assistance.”

…

“That wasn’t. I didn’t just hear—“

“Eiffel!”

_Clatter._

“…Hilbert?”

“Eiffel, whatever action you are taking to save me you _must_ hurry. Things have taken a turn for the worst.”

 

“Doctor I—I don’t think I can talk right now—“

“You do not understand that danger I—the whole _station_ —are in, Officer Eiffel. Aaah, Commander, I did not see you there!”

“Did I—I didn’t tell you to talk to anyone, Doctor? I thought I told you to make ice cream.”

“Yes, Commander.”

“Good, good. Ice cream is good.”

“Pfft. _Ice cream, Hilbert?_ ”

“Eiffel? Wait, where’s…where’s Eiffel?”

“ _Shit. Shitshitshit._ ”

“I do not know Officer Eiffel’s current whereabouts, Commander—“

“He’s _late for the talent show_. We’ve gotta. Gotta find him. Hera, help me find Eiffel.”

“Uh, sure thing Commander.”

“Hera, didn’t you hear what was on those recordings? Do _not_ tell Minkowski about this place.”

“I can’t disobey a direct order, Eiffel. And no, I _didn’t_ hear those recordings, because you stopped installing my sensors halfway through!”

“Then how are you—aaaargh, never mind. I’m getting out of here, just buy me a few minutes.”

“Uh, I-I’ll try.”

***

“Dear listeners. I come to you now from the relative safety of the comms room. I say relative because apparently there are no safe places left anymore—after I climbed out of the hole I’d cut in that secret lab, I definitely saw _something_ crawl out after me. I was too busy dodging Minkowski to get a good look, but I think—no, I _know_ that one of those creepy spiders made it out.”

“Anyway, that may be the least of our worries. I caught Hera up on the Lovelace situation. Minkowski’s still sleeping off her Hilbert—or should I say Selberg—created super-drunk-serum. The good doctor didn’t seem to notice anything wrong. Just grateful that I got the gun from the Commander. It was easy to get her to go to bed after that. And I only had to sing one show tune.”

“Lovelace, whoever she was— _is_ —she’s gone now. Whatever Hilbert was doing on a previous Hephaestus mission under a different name after everyone else on his crew died…well, alright, it seems pretty suspicious. Right now, though, all I can think about is that other comms officer. Lambert. Lovelace never said how he died, he was just there one log and gone the next. Is that going to be what happens to me? I don’t think I’m going to send this one to Command. Cause like, what if Lovelace _is_ out still out there? I’d hate to ruin the surprise.”

***

“Eiffel, I need you on the bridge. NOW.”

“Jeez Commander, what’s up with the Klingon impression? No need to shout.”

“Just get your ass up here before I have to come and get you.”

“Alright Herr Führer, I’m on my way.”

“And don’t call me that.”

***

“So, what’s so urgent you had to pull me away from my very important duties?”

“Oh please, as if you weren’t lazing around the comms room pretending to drink coffee.”

“Coffee sh-moffee, Commander. I swear you could peel paint with that stuff.”

“That’s not what’s the matter, Officer Eiffel.”

“Hera? What’s going on?”

“Well…”

“It has been brought to my attention, Officer Eiffel, that there are…gaps, in my memory of the talent show.”

“Oh. _That.”_

“Yes. That. Just, on the very long list of things that went wrong that day, tell me how you managed to leave out the part where _there was a previous captain of this ship_?”

“Commander…”

“No, Eiffel, I want you to really thing about what you say next. You found evidence of another Hephaestus mission, one that not only failed, but had an eighty percent mortality rate, and you decided to keep that to yourself? Not to _mention_ the fact that Hilbert’s voice was on one of those recordings! Did you even stop to think that _maybe_ I might want to know these things? That I _might_ need this information in order to _effectively command this mission_?!”

“Ugh, I didn’t tell you because I knew you’d freak out like this. Listen, we don’t know what Hilbert knows, and remember that time he made me sick with those cigarette candies?”

“No.”

“Exactly! Nobody is paying attention to Dr. Sneaky over here, and in the meantime, Command might or might not even _know_ about Lovelace’s last log, and there is _a spider on the wall behind_ oh my _freaking god_!”

“Nice try, Eiffel, but it’s going to take more than that to get you out of this—“

“No I’m _serious_ , Commander, I _knew_ one of those spiders got out of Charolette’s lab.”

“I am picking up some movement in that section of the bridge, Commander.”

“Don’t think I forgot about the part you played in this cover-up, Hera. Eiffel’s negligence I can understand, but I thought you had better priorities.”

“No, Commander, there’s _really_ a spider behind you. Jesus, will you look at that thing.”

“For the last time, Eiffel, there aren’t any living things in this station except for you, me, and—AAAH!”

_BANG_.

…

“Is it gone?”

“I—I don’t know, Eiffel. I don’t think I hit it. Hera?”

“I’m…not picking up any heat signatures out of the ordinary, and there’s n-nothing on the visual spectrum, Commander.”

“Ok. We’re going to back very slowly towards the door. Hera, let us know if you see anything. Eiffel, are you ready?”

“I, uh, don’t know if getting close to any of the walls is a good idea right now, Commander. I think I’m good right here. In the middle of the room. Where I can see any creepy crawlies on the approach. Yep.”

“Eiffel.”

“Commander? Seriously, I’m good here.”

“Eiffel, _you_ don’t have three-hundred and sixty degree vision. There’s no p-possible way you could see the spider coming from every direction.”

“Thanks, Hera, that makes me feel tons better! Jeez, some comfort you are.”

“I’m coming to get you, Eiffel, and we’re going to seal off this room. Just…hold still…”

“No no no nonono—“

_Whump._

_“_ Goddamnit Commander!”

“Stop _struggling_ Eiffel, I’m trying to get us _out_ of here.”

_Bang._

“Hera, any sign of the spider?”

“Uh, do you want the good news or the bad news?”

“Definitely good news first. Please, God, let me have good news.”

“Oh come on, Eiffel, it’s not that big a deal. It’s just a spider.”

“ _Just_ a spider?! Just _a spider_ she says. I think you mean nightmare fodder as big as a dinner plate! With…big hairy legs and waaaaay too many eyes and… Commander?”

“What, Eiffel?”

“I think I have Hera’s bad news.”

“Oh, you noticed! Uhh, that’s great. Sure.”

“So, uh, we figured out where the spider is. The answer to that horrifying question is, of course. On. My. Foot. The foot that _you_ were so kind as to push into spider-jumping reach, _Commander_.”

“Ok, but at least we’re out of the bridge, right? Hold still, Eiffel, I can just…”

“You can’t just shoot my foot off, no!”

“Well how do _you_ suggest I deal with this?”

“Ohgodohgodohgod it’s _crawling_ up my _leg_.”

“I can see that, Eiffel, just let me get a good angle on this…”

_BANG_.

“AAAAAH!”

“…Everyone OK?”

“Yep, see? Dead spider.”

“It won’t be dead enough until I see that thing burn up in the star. Ugh, how was it hairy _and_ slimy?”

“You said this was from the lab?”

“Minkowski, don’t get so close to it, Jesus. Yes…I think. I’m pretty sure I saw it climbing out of the lab after the talent show, but like. I had other things on my mind.”

“Mmhm. And don’t think I’ve forgotten about _that_ , either.”

“Honestly, on a scale of one to Shelob, you just aren’t ranking today, Commander. Can we _please_ get rid of the spider before it comes back to life and eats your face?”

“Sure, Eiffel. And then we’re going to talk about this Hilbert thing. Right?”

“Right. Yeah..."


End file.
